Are you patient?

I ask the question, simply because I’m often not. People may ascribe that quality to me, but I rarely exhibit it.

How does patience lead to great leadership?
Often we think leaders are people who have the authority to react immediately and confidently in any situation. One CEO responded to my advice that he wait before intervening in a situation and said, “Mimi, that’s difficult for me. I operate with a slash and burn approach.”

He could get in there and “get ‘er done,” but we were dealing with people. And people sometimes need our patience. By not jumping in, he watched as a staff person exercised abilities he didn’t believe she possessed to deal with the situation on her own. Her department was stronger for it because her leadership was affirmed. Had he followed his instinct, the result would have been the same (a trouble-causing employee was asked to leave), but the fallout would have been significant, as I’m sure you can guess…or have experienced.

How does patience work in parenting?
I try to remember the words of Khalil Gibran’s On Children..

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you…

Too many times I get caught up thinking I know who and what my children should be. I have hopes for amazing lives for them. But sometimes my high hopes become so focused, I forget to see how amazing they already are.

I believe our children are meant to take their own form, not the ones we painstakingly lay out for them. That means having their own thoughts, opinions, methods of doing things…it’s frustrating. We understand our ways, but sometimes, if we’re patient and watch their ways unfold, we’ll be delighted to understand even more. They become themselves…and comfortable enough with who they are to create amazing goodness in the world. (Of course, I also believe there’s a lot more to this balance than this paragraph can contain. Maybe we should have a series on parenting?!)

How does patience work in relationships?
I’m pretty calm and patient in big critical moments, but it’s the little moments where I move from zero to irritated in nothing flat. I lecture all the time about The GAP. I know how to listen and why it’s important…but it’s not my first response…and I so want for it to be. Instead, what I’m really accomplished at is keeping a pleasant and accommodating face on even when I’m highly agitated. My insides don’t always match my outside…and I’m not a big fan of duplicitous characters.

In response to the blog post on Gossip earlier in the month, Susan Mathers Valach wrote: Before I let a word out of my mouthI try to ask myself; Is is true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Does itimprove on the silence?

But to create the space to have that conversation with myself I first have to have patience.

pa•tience |?p? sh ?ns|
noun
1 the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

How do you build capacity? How do you practice patience? Teach me…I’m all yours!

Note: While I was typing the last words, Sage ran past the window with another of my container plants in her mouth…so send your advice quickly please!

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