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Archive for the ‘ Communicating ’ Category
Course Correcting Conversations
It’s Family Friday. Today, I’m thinking about an important communication skill for creating positive culture at work and at home. In both places, it’s not our ability to outline a vision or articulate expected behaviors that counts as much of our skill in keeping everyone motivated and on track to fulfill that mission.
How do you have those difficult conversations? How do you guide without micromanagement? How do you get rid of the bathwater and keep the baby safe? (Sorry, but that metaphor always generates images of wet, airborne infants that are somewhat disturbing!) I’ve talked before about the dangers of over correction… Click here for the rest of the post, but what happens when corrective measures have to be taken?
Here are some simple strategies. See what you think.
First, identify and consistently communicate the criteria for behavior. It pains me to overhear parents walking into a big event with a child saying, “remember what we talked about…” or a supervisor to an employee saying, “I know you won’t let me down on this, Jane,” as he or she receives a huge assignment.
People will respond
When People Bug the Crap Out of You
Did Mimi just say “crap” in a headline?
Yes indeed. I’m having one significant learning opportunity after another today, and why not be perfectly honest about it?
There are people in my life who really bug me. Bill Dorman… Click here for the rest of the post wrote about the types of coworkers and leaders who can be especially irritating. Just reading his list brought to mind immediate examples of those who manipulate meetings, seek the spotlight and have no idea how to effectively communicate without injecting drama or personal issues.
I can even see how I might fall into the irritant role now and then. *gasp* I know…just when you thought I was practically perfect in every way.
Here’s where I am far from perfect–exercising patience with people who bug me. I have to say, I just want to squish them and move on. How’s that for being a channel of goodness?
Here’s the distinction: if I don’t interact with a “bugger” regularly, I am much more mature and professional in my response. I act just like a person who teaches other people how to get along.
Created Any Good Misunderstandings Lately?
… Click here for the rest of the post
“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” George Bernard Shaw
You speak. You write. You’ve communicated. But were you understood?
What if you weren’t? What if the enthusiastic response you anticipate instead is an awkward silence? What if you continue to have a gap between intention and implementation?
There are times when we know we’ve been misunderstood. Those are the fortunate times, because we can respond. But what response will clarify, calm and clear the way for more effective action?
When you’ve been misunderstood,
Do Not
Repeat yourself. It worked so well the first time, why not just use the same message over and over? Surely it will break through eventually? No, but eventually, everyone will nod their heads in agreement simply to get you to shut up.
Belittle. “I thought I made myself perfectly clear.” Meaning…you idiot, anyone can understand this! If the message has left someone confused, it is less about their inability to understand and more about your ability to be understood. If you don’t need buy-in; don’t want to
Where do we go from here?
Friends, things are on the move at the Bloomin’ Blog. I know that hasn’t been reflected in the quantity of blog posts as of late, but there is much going on on the top of my big, dusty oak desk and neath my newly blond locks. (Note photo!)
How my mind works and the thing I like to call my Business Strategy may be of very little interest to you. And I worry about losing your interest. I worry when I lose a subscriber (I have 61…down one from last week, was it something I didn’t say?). I worry when I have no comments. (Umm…save the 40 comments I get a day from drugs&cheaphandbags.com and similar spammers, you all have gotten really, really quiet.) And I worry sometimes because I compare myself to others. And hello, who has written a bazillion posts (okay, maybe three) on the danger of comparisons… Click here for the rest of the post? So today, if my worries about losing your interest are valid, you have probably already quit reading.
Now, for those of you who are still interested, let’s start with
Mind the Gap
… Click here for the rest of the post
Between stimulus and reaction, there lies a…
…gap! And what we do with that gap makes all the difference.
Perhaps you’ve noticed the warning message along the train and subway tracks that remind you to “Mind the Gap”. The results of ignoring the message in that case can be quite severe, even deadly. The same can be true if we ignore the gap afforded us between the time a message reaches our brain and the instant we choose to respond.
I first encountered this concept in the late 90s in the only self-help book I have ever read cover to cover—Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Encountering this simple principle changed my outlook and the way I justified my actions. No more could I say, “You made me…”. After all, the stimulus and response aren’t directly connected. There is a gap between them in which I choose how to respond—no one can choose the response but me.
Often we hear that if we’re angry we should count to 10 before responding. Why 10? Why not 17,382? The
Crisis Communication Tips for Leaders
“What the Hell went wrong here!?” he bellowed. “Who was the dumb ass that came up with this idea?”
I worked for a CEO who didn’t understand the merits of workplace sensitivity or political correctness.
Luckily, I understood him, and I wasn’t afraid of him, so we had a fairly functional relationship. But the scenarios above did little to nurture my creativity or to sustain the energy I needed to manage a crisis (luckily, he’d come in, bellow and then leave, so I could apply my own strategies. I’m about to share them. You’ll be relieved to know there’s no cursing involved…)
Here are the phrases that work best:
“What do we have to work with?”
“Where can we go from here?”
“What are some possible solutions?”
The difference in tone is obvious. The language is inclusive, empowering and even hopeful.
Does it work in real life? Absolutely. All the time. I know because that’s how I operated when I was managing teams confronted with crisis. I learned through watching my Dad… Click here for the rest of the post and his style of inclusive leadership that I
Peace that lies in Silence
Desiderata… Click here for the rest of the post, by Max Ehrmann, is a piece that I came to know and love in middle school. So, whether or not it ranks as a great literary work (which it doesn’t) matters not, since it came to me in my most formative years. Its words continue to reflect much of what I believe.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about its first few lines.
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, ?and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, ?be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; ?and listen to others, ?even to the dull and the ignorant; ?they too have their story.
I love silence. I just don’t remember to practice it often enough. Perhaps I love long road trips because I can justify traveling along in silence when I’m doing something important—like focusing on the road.
Sometimes, I chatter out of a sense of obligation to channel conversation. I step in to fill awkward gaps for others and work to engage everyone around me. I act
Change is not always a byproduct of Understanding
In the last post, we talked about Listening to Understand. It is fundamental to all good relationships, whether you learn to improve your listening skills at work, or with your teenager.
You can also incorporate improved listening skills into the way you deliver information. The steps to speaking to be understood are pretty simple to learn and exponentially improve your odds for communication success.
Here’s the thing to remember…great communication and understanding doesn’t guarantee change. It doesn’t mean people will relinquish their opinions or change their behavior. Why?
First, they’re entitled to an opinion and perspective that is different than yours. There are many truths… Click here for the rest of the post.
Second, understanding is not the same as agreement. Diverse perspectives and practices make our world the beautiful and rich place it is. Do you really want everyone to be just like you? Scary.
Third, while another can understand you perfectly, it doesn’t mean he will behave differently. The minister who married us nearly 27 years ago looked us and said, “Mimi, this is Greg. Greg, this is Mimi. Neither of you is going