Change your heart

“I’ll say ‘sorry’ if he does!”

It was the typical retort of childhood standoffs. No one wanted to be the first to apologize or to yield his or her position. Have you changed all that much? I’m trying.

I realize, particularly as it relates to my marriage, that a tiny shift in my heart hold—those attitudes I carry at the core of my being as truths—can make space for new growth, even after 25 years. And in every other relationship, seeking first to understand, first to forgive, first to begin again brings an expansion of spirit and perspective unlike any other practice. So why don’t we do it?

Here are some of my thoughts on why…

1. The Golden Rule: “”Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Luke 6:31.

We think that means we should treat others the way we’d like to be treated. But if you pay attention to the way Jesus lived his life, his was a platinum rule lifestyle—he met others where they were and gave them what they most needed—not necessarily what he would have wanted himself. I may not want you to treat me the way you would like to be treated. Imagine how your heart feels when someone takes the time to treat you just the way you like to be treated, even…or especially…if they don’t like the same thing.

Every major religion has its own interpretation of the Golden Rule. But understanding how to truly put another first takes time and sacrifice. If you do so, what might you find? What might you lose? Is the risk too great? Let me know.

2. Comfort. We’re comfortable with the preconceptions we have in our relationships. We know who our spouse/parent/sister/boss/neighbor is. We’ve come to our conclusions. We have neither the time nor the desire to learn more—especially if we learn we have held onto some wrong conclusions for all these years. That makes us uncomfortable. We don’t like that.

3. Change. Allowing our defenses to drop long enough to change our hearts toward another is so difficult. We put up all sorts of barriers as to who deserves forgiveness…who merits a second round of consideration. But Mahatma Gandhi said we must be the change we want to see in the world. So, do you want the world to be more understanding? Understand. Do you want the world to be at peace? Practice peace? Do you want the world to be more loving? Make space in your heart and love everyone. That’s right, everyone.

And don’t fake it either. No good comes from false sentiment.

That’s right…you read it here on the site where goodness can be found everywhere. Goodness is in every heart. But it only grows from hearts that are open.

Grow on my friends.

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