My tumble back into Mrs. Keagel’s first grade at Lincoln Elementary could have been prompted (duh, says my psychologist voice always ready to interpret my motivation) by my daughter’s decision to spend the afternoon yesterday painting with her friend. Mary Charlotte’s friend Courtney is darling. She is smart and funny and yesterday, she was Jane Corbin revisited.

While my daughter found—as she described it—the biggest brush possible to cover her little ceramic figurine with the greatest speed and least effort, Courtney chose the smallest brush so she could achieve the most detailed results. Mary Charlotte moved on from ceramics to paint a sign for Courtney’s new room. You know those girls (and a few boys) who everyone wanted to partner with on poster projects because their writing was sooooo cute? Well, I like to think Mary Charlotte would pick those partners and perhaps that was one of the things that brought MC and Courtney together.

Horrors! How could I be so judgmental of my own daughter and what will it do to her spirit? Well, let me tell you, I…and probably you, too…could learn a lot from Mary Charlotte’s irrepressible spirit and comfort with herself. Instead of slipping into the shoes her mother might have worn at age 12, and wishing she could be more like her friend, she did what she has always comes back to do best—she delighted in being her.

Mary Charlotte’s car chatter on the way to mall is what inspired me most. (Note to parents everywhere…be careful to know that car chatter is one of your best chances to know your children and not necessarily conversation time in which you should participate…just listen and laugh along more than you talk…please and thank you.) She commended Courtney on her ability—”Your’s was like, perfect…” and laughed at herself “…and here’s me choosing the biggest brush I can so I can slap the paint on and call it good enough…” and gently sharing her perspective “…I thought maybe we’d paint for half an hour and two hours later, you’re finally done and we’re on our way to the mall.” Courtney and Mary Charlotte engaged in a delightful 10-minutes of comparing and contrasting their personal styles and laughing at themselves in delight at who each of them is. Children are magnificent teachers.

And yet, some of the wisdom I rely on today comes from the missteps of my youth. For instance, I know now that envy and comparison are dangerous pastimes. I still slip back into them now and then, but sometimes I package those bad habits in new terms to disguise self-deprecation.

For instance, pouring over other’s websites and blogs noting how mine should be altered and how I should be more like the successful “other” is called benchmarking in my inner conversation. And my assessment of the toned arms and backsides of the middle aged women cruising the aisles of Safeway in their fresh-from-the-YMCA spandex clad fashion can all be seen as admiration of their commitment to health—surely not envy.

Do you remember any gift-getting occasion as a child when you felt like you got the dorkiest thing on the face of the earth? Meanwhile, others—be they siblings, cousins or friends—were showered in the uber cool gifts youi’d coveted during all the commercials on Saturday morning cartoons. As a parent, I have given some of the dorky gifts. Actually, some of them were the things that I put the most thought and care into, only to watch my children try to mask their disappointment as they casually look through the last layer of tissue paper hoping to find redemption in a gift card or cash surprise.

God carefully chose my gifts. He gave me some I’d rather be without and he gave me some that came with “some assembly required,” which I still have not completed. The thing is, they were chosen just for me with care and love in hopes that I not only would enjoy them and benefit from them, but that I could use them to do something good.

Some of us are still trying to figure out if we’re gifted at all. Lives of abuse, misuse or despair make it very difficult to unearth one’s true sense of efficacy and sufficiency without professional help. Then there are those of us who are poster children for lives raised in unconditional love and adoration. I, for one, have gifts rain on me and yet, I allow even the smallest things and misplaced worry sabotage God’s attempts to use those gifts through me.

Here’s one thing I know, God doesn’t expect us to do this alone. He gave us all unique gifts not so we could do great things in isolation, but so the synergy of our coming together to apply our gifts might shape the world. Most of you are my friends or family (thank you, Greg and Jenny!!). You are reading this blog because you know me. So, could you please hold me accountable to being my best me? Sometimes, I know you must be able to tell that I write for an audience that doesn’t even really exist. See, I found out one Fortune 500 company conference committee was visiting my website and presto, I changed my tone and began worrying that I might not be corporatey enough. Gag, choke.

Then, I went to some blogs that are just really clever and have themes. Yikes. I had flash backs to the first Christmas party invitation I ever received that said “Theme: Holiday Festive” and immediately became that deer in headlights panicked that I’d wind up on a reality show about mediocre internet voices. (Actually, my old PR self would say—bring it on, any coverage is good coverage!!) I don’t blog because I have a real theme…today I even started a new category so I wouldn’t feel constrained by the order I tried to bring to this site. I blog because I have thoughts and I have a burning passion to share them for whatever they’re worth. I don’t blog to make money…and I need to remind myself that. I am a bit different in that I didn’t choose this new Goodness Grows adventure I’m on to make a living, I chose to channel the thing I feel I live to do into a business. I think my dear husband would really, really appreciate the assistance income generation on my part might lend, but that will be a side benefit, not the purpose.

So there I am. I’m out of the lines and I’m using my favorite Peacock Blue pencil when the instructions called for the oceans to be sky blue. And, I’m okay with that. But I’d like to know if my comfort creates comfort for others. So please, talk back to me. Tell me when you think I offer a weak thought and tell me if something strikes a chord in your heart. I need feedback people. I do so want to grow into the thing/woman/business/vessel that God gifted me to be, but I need your help.

Do you struggle too? Do you find yourself flashing back to old limitations you placed on yourself in the first, fourth or twelfth grade? What kind of things do you want me to offer to you and to the world that might do more good? It would be good to hear from you…really, really good!