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Realities of Reuniting
It's summertime. Chances are, you'll have an opportunity to reunite.
Maybe you are a member of one of those families that has elevated reuniting to a major semi-annual event complete with huge group photos of everyone in matching t-shirts.
Or maybe, like me, you'll be celebrating a graduation milestone with a school or college reunion.
My 30th high school reunion is next weekend. I have been asked to speak at the banquet. I assume this is because I am a speaker by trade and my past appearance in my hometown as speaker at the 2009 Commencement proved that I can keep it short. That's what most people value most in s speaker. And chances are, no one who heard me two years ago remembers a thing I said. (Maybe I should just reuse that material!) That's the first reality...even when we want to, we really don't remember much of what we think we will.
My memories of high school are as fuzzy as the photo at the left. I think I remember some things clearly, but maybe that's just because I have a photo of them or the memory is part of a story that has been told and retold--who knows with what degree of accuracy.
I know the people who asked me to speak are hoping I'll be funny. The problem is, I'm not a funny person. I have a certain degree of wit, but it is purely situational. I could relate stories of my age in a funny manner...the fact that I am seriously taking Ginkgo Biloba in the hopes that I will remember why I walked into the garage. But that story's been told before...I think.
And I can't tell jokes to save my soul. I have one good one, and it's not appropriate.
So, I'm left with the Sharing Some Thoughts option. And, I guess that's what I do. I share thoughts. Some insightful people even pay me for my thoughts. But another reality is that 80 percent of the audience will be thinking about something else while I'm speaking. Or they'll be updating their facebook status, texting or tweeting. So I may be way over thinking this.
But here's what I do think...
- What we remember is seldom a fact. Your brother probably wasn't as mean to you as you think--or the meanness wasn't constant as you think it was. Nobody in high school intentionally excluded you. Chances are, no one thought of you at all. That's the sad reality of adolescence. At that age, we think the whole world is watching us and forming opinions about us when, in fact, our peers are far too consumed with their own fledgling identities to give us a second thought.
I heard this about memories, and I have it written down...so I can remember it.
"It is not so important that a memory is factual, but that the feelings that generated the memory existed. And feelings are not facts, but they are true nonetheless."
So when you're attempted to correct another person's recollection, ask yourself if it's really necessary, and are you correcting a fact, or trying to change a feeling?
- Let each other be someone new. Seriously, I am not the person I was in 1981. Are you? Oh wait, a bunch of you were elementary school students. Whatever.
Let each day with those around you be new. Even with the people you think you know. Learn something new about them. If you approach every interaction trapped in your preconceptions; or if you listen to every exchange with a "geez, here he goes again...he hasn't changed a bit" mindset, you block the new good things a relationship might offer.
- If you think "those days" were the best times. You're wrong. If you think they were the worst times. You're wrong. They just were. And I hope you live your life knowing that the best is always ahead of you.
I don't know. This all sounds a little preachy doesn't it? Does anyone have any good jokes?
It is sort of off topic, but I would be happy to write your speech for you.There are two requirements for this:
1) You don't get to rehearse or ad lib. You have to read exactly what I write.
2) Videotape- it must be recorded.
Now I am sure that you'll turn that down and if you knew me in real life you would never agree because though I can write a hell of a speech this would be "colorful" to say the least.
Even though we are a couple years apart in age we're close enough for me to say that technology wise our high school experience was roughly the same. I wonder about the kids who go today- who have "tools" to record their memories in ways that we couldn't.
Their memories and recordings will still be influenced by their personal filters and experiences- but if they record raw footage they will have something that could be quite interesting down the road.
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LikeTheJackB Now that would test my mettle, wouldn't it? Somehow, I suspect it would be great. And I could use some fresh video! My goal is to speak for three minutes or less. So it wouldn't be much time to get your creative muse really fired up.
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LikeMimiMeredith You might be surprised what I could come up with. ;)
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LikeNice post
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LikeRob McGuire Thanks Rob! You didn't offer any good jokes, though!
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LikeHow appropriate, I liked the comment they weren't the best of times and weren't the worst time; they just were.
I moved from a relatively small town to a much larger town in between my 9th and 10th grade years. I went from a town and school where I knew 'everybody' to a school where I was one of 600+ in my graduation senior class. I thought I had a pretty good group of friends and knew a fair amount of people; I went to the 10 yr reunion and knew about 10 people. Like you said, we were tied up in our own little worlds and didn't really pay that much attention to all that was around us.
Having said that, and because I still live in the same town, we can go to parties or other social funtions and about 1/2 the people are 'townies' and the stories almost inevitibly go back to some high school incident. I wonder why so many people use that as their focal point?
I might have mentioned this before in one of my replies to your post, but my grandmother (who lived to be 102 and my recollections of reunions at her house were good ones) when asked about the good ol' days, she said 'it is much better now, trust me'.
The thing is to just enjoy the journey and try to be more in the present.
Nice photo; I hate to say it, but I think my hair was longer....................yikes.........
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Likebdorman264 Bill, I swear I wrote a warm and witty response to you yesterday, but today, it's not here. Dang it. Just know I'd love to compare senior pics and think yours should definitely be your avatar for the reunion season!
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