In the Tunnels of Life

It used to be that I would get through stressful periods in my life repeating two thoughts to myself: That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. And, Just get to the light at the end of the tunnel.

Most of you can probably see the fallacies inherent in those approaches, but I couldn’t. I was proud of all I could accomplish, and I did it with a sense of joy bourn often from the resulting sense of achievement.

Let’s look at my mantras individually. Mantra number one…the old strength through adversity theory. First, I do think difficulty can make us stronger. Usually however, the strength comes through a retrospective analysis of the adverse times, not in the midst of the struggle. Just as lifting weights doesn’t immediately make a muscle stronger; it is in the muscles’ chance to rest and rebuild that strength is gained. So, perhaps part of me knew that I truly would gain strength from perseverance through adversity . It is more likely, however, that I repeated the mantra just to get through the moment, not to remember its potential for growth or renewal.

With the blessing of life experience, I have learned that perseverance is not always the best approach. Sometimes what doesn’t kill us is still meant to harm us. We have to find the power within to remove ourselves before irreparable harm is done. Whether it is continually suppressing our true nature in our work environment,  a toxic relationship, or a host of other times when what doesn’t kill us still damages our spirits. Staying in those bad situations lessens our capacity to be what God would have us be in the world…channels for goodness.

Mantra number two…the light at the end of the tunnel. Let me share with you how I learned to stop and live in life’s tunnels instead of creating the strategic action plan that would move me to the light.

In 1993, I owned my own very busy advertising agency with two full-time employees and more than a dozen demanding accounts; I was the mother of a 3-year-old and an 11-month-old; I was chairman of an intense committee at church, where I also taught children’s choir, rang in the bell choir and sang in the Chancel choir; I was on the board of the local homeless shelter and, I was co-chair of a contentious bond election campaign for our local school district. The spring when all of those activities were most intense was very, very busy. But I fulfilled each of those responsibilities knowing that some of them were “short term”. So, for example, I told myself I’d catch up on things like sleep, friends, exercise, and quiet moments after the bond election, which was April 6. My focus was all about just making it to the 7th of April, when I would put life back into proper perspective. Well, the bond election failed by less than 100 votes. So that was a bit more disappointment than I anticipated at the end of the tunnel. And then on April 10th, our world was rocked when our dear friends lost their precious two-year-old son in a farming accident. April, and life as I thought it would be, wasn’t shaping up to be rewarding. In fact, it was devastating, and I had little left in my inner spaces with which to cope because I’d poured it all out getting through my busyness.

I began to consider what I learned, as, the light at the end of that particular tunnel had indeed turned out to be an oncoming train. I realized there would always be times when life would require tunnel travel. Times when commitments and demands seem to close in from all sides. But, I learned that I had to keep living, embracing and finding joy even in the tunnel.

Now, I cope with tunnel travel in a variety of ways…usually in what I think of as mighty moments. Breath prayers are a good example—the two syllable prayers that occur with a deep breath in, and a slow breath out. Simple prayers like…”thank you”…”holy”…”Jesus”…”fill me…use me…mold me”…I’m sure you have some of your own…”damn it” does not count, okay!!?

Finding a bit of beauty is another way to lighten the darkness. I had an incredible holiness in the tunnel moment a few weeks ago when I was hurrying out the door to a major presentation. I stopped to pick up the paper in the driveway. As I stood up, the rising sun was breaking behind the pink clouds in the sky and a fluffy little bird was peacefully silhouetted on a branch against the breathtaking sky. I whispered, “thank you” and then my mind…or maybe it was my heart…began to recite an Emily Dickinson poem that goes, “Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul…” That was a mighty moment. Less than 10 seconds probably. I wasn’t late because of it. It didn’t throw me off to stand in awe, but it filled me up. God gives us those moments all the time. My friend had a similar moment as he was outside the hospital the morning his father died. Nothing could negate the fact that it was a dark and sad time. But the sunrise that morning was so incredibly spectacular he could not keep from saying a prayer of thanks. I don’t know that God creates those times specifically for us, nor do I believe he magically takes them away, but I do believe he offers many such moments of light to illuminate the tunnels of our existence. It is we, so focused on the bright light of victorious passage at the end, who don’t see them.

I use lots of garden analogies in my workshops. I told a group in 1996 that I hadn’t really thought of any good ones for this tunnel perspective. My friend Judy Steele raised her hand and said…”You gather mushrooms!” What a great thought. I love mushrooms, and they grow best in dark places.

I have also learned that those dark places are often of my own creation. When I fill my life so full that I can’t see the light around me, I need to ask myself why. And then I need to stop the train carrying me mindlessly through that existence rooted in busyness. Other times, I create a limited and dark mindset…tunnel vision, if you will. I depend so much on the accuracy of my own perspective that I miss the goodness and truth all around me. I don’t risk taking my eye off my own insular target of truth to see from another’s vantage, which may be a much healthier one.

So, if today finds you in a tunnel or in a situation that is heavy…first, remember to consider if you really belong on that path. If you are where you are meant to be, embrace it—even the struggles and the pain. They do serve a purpose…I don’t know if it’s to make us stronger, but I think there’s a hidden alternate truth in that first mantra. That which doesn’t kill us means we’re still alive. Alive to the Spirit’s direction; alive to the needs of our fellow man; alive to the opportunity to make new good choices…what does the simple gift of being alive mean to you? Click on the add comment box and let us know…

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