It’s all in the details

I have spent a great deal of my life paying attention to details that most people don’t notice. I care about the arrangement of objects, the lighting of a room, the smells and sounds, an environment where others feel at ease and there are plenty of snacks to produce at a moment’s notice (because remember, community can be built around a bag of chips!) Many of you notice the same  things that weave themselves into the tapestry of our existence. So, you’d think I’d be good at life details. But I’m not. At all.

I’m resolving to be a better detailer of my life and I am inviting you to join me. Here’s the perfect illustration. The photo below is of a piece of pipe that is about two-and-a-half inches long. So, with that in mind, you will note that the little tiny hole in that little tiny pipe seems most insignificant. However, the reason I have this photo is because my friend Kathy kept this little pipe as a reminder of the week it turned her household upside down.

I think if memory serves me correctly, Kathy never even thought about the pipes that crisscrossed the slab foundations of our homes prior to last spring, when she noticed a warm spot spreading across her tile floor. While that sensation is remarkably comforting if you have radiant floor heat, it’s a little troubling if you don’t.

As you already likely guessed, the pipe above is the section of hot water pipe that had been rubbing against a tiny little pebble for a decade. I’m sure no one noticed the pebble. And we could talk at length about building quality, proper plumbing materials and all the things that should have happened to avoid the creation of the hole. But as my friend endured weeks of workers digging under her house all day long, I doubt any of that mattered.

We have lots of little stones in our life that we know are there; that we intend to move one of these days and that we walk around instead. If they were big rocks, we’d be forced to move them, but in our busy lives, we relegate some details to a much lower priority than they deserve. Here are some of the ones that come to mind for me.

• Bookkeeping. Hate it. I always think “I’ll get to it.” Then when I do I am incredibly stressed because I don’t work with QuickBooks every day, so therefore, I don’t remember how to tell it to do what it needs to do to keep me “balanced.” I like finance and I really don’t mind accounting, it’s just the data entry that slays me. I don’t “like” it. Therefore, I postpone it.
• Exercise. This is a daily detail that I relegate to the “on occasion” category. I actually like to exercise, it’s just that I see it as an “extra” detail, like fancy rims on the tires of my life. In fact, exercise is what keeps the wheels on. Barbara Walters said we should walk and do squats every day. She said, if nothing else, we should take care of the muscles that will help us get out of chairs with ease as we age. That was an important visual image for me. But I obviously haven’t taken it to heart, as I heard that interview with her months ago and still don’t see to that important detail.
• Computer file maintenance. If I had back all the time I’ve lost looking for things I know are “somewhere” on my computer, I would have more than enough time to set up the files properly and probably time left over to read a few chapters in a good book. But I never think now is the time for that. It’ a detail relegated to “later.”
• Reading insurance policies. Do you know if your house is insured for its current market value? Even if you feel like your house has declined dramatically in value recently, it’s still very likely it is still more valuable than an insurance policy you purchased ten or more years ago would have projected it would be.It’s important to know what your insurance covers and for how much. There are tragic stories of people who fully understood their policy only after it didn’t provide the coverage they anticipated.
• Auto maintenance. Right now, my paint has a deep gouge which will eventually lead directly to body rust (the gouge occurred because I didn’t pay attention to the details in the garage—I hurry too much—and in a hurry I set something on top of the refrigerator and it tumbled onto my cute red car taking about six inches of paint with it.) My brakes are squeaking and my tires need to be rotated. Usually, I am all over these details because I love cars. However, when money is tight, it is something I think I can let slide. Truth is, the damage done to resale value of a car that isn’t kept in excellent condition is far more significant than the amount it will cost to get it i fixed.

So I guess, sometimes, we are aware the pebbles that damage the pipes exist, and we consciously choose to ignore them. Other times, we are just in too big a hurry to stop and see what little things require our attention before significant damage is done. Apologies for instance. If there’s an apology that needs to be made, that’s a detail that should be seen to straight away. Time with children is another one. It shouldn’t wait until tomorrow or a better moment. The times you have with people should trump times you have with stuff—especially work stuff. And the times you have with your children trump most times you have with other people. (Although it’s important you have meaningful relationships with a circle of adults. I know people who have sacrificed so much for time with their children that I worry if they’ll remember how to engage socially when their children are gone.)

I met an old colleague for a glass of wine last week. I was glad to see him and I hoped also that it would yield a sponsorship for an upcoming workshop I’m doing. It didn’t. And on the way home, I was mad at myself for mixing business with pleasure and just critical of myself in general. The one thing I felt good about was to be sure I got home in time to braid Mary Charlotte’s hair before she went to bed. You know, I could easily have told her I’d do it another time and had another glass of wine with someone I hadn’t seen in years. But here’s the thing, I hadn’t seen that person in years. I am not an important part of his life. For a 13-year-old girl, wavy hair can be an absolutely critical detail. And it was the one detail I got right that night. I went to bed feeling fairly satisfied with myself for picking up the right pebbles once in a while.

Today, slow down and look around for the tiny things that may bring you unexpected beauty, and take care of the tiny things that might cause you long-term pain. And if you carry to join me in detailing life…I am going to make the things I mentioned above higher priorities. I hope you’ll ask me how I’m progressing and that I offer a positive report!

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