Lead by example

Whether you lead a Fortune 100 company, a team at work, a committee at your child’s school, or have random contact with other members of the human race, there are a few things I would like to say to you. I am worried about the decay of decorum and the lack of leadership and I want you to do something about it!

1. Listen. For more information on this, see the post Hear Ye! Hear Ye!. For now, just take time to truly listen to those around you. If you are too pressed for time to listen without your attention being divided, then say so. Something like “Mimi, I want to give you my undivided attention and I can’t right now, is there a time next week when we can visit…” That way, you manage your time and you honor the other individual. Failure to do this isn’t just rude, you may miss something vital. And don’t assume you know who will deliver messages of meaning. You don’t. It might be the colleague or the subordinate you find annoying, or for whom your time is really too important. To that I have to say, get over yourself! And if you are that busy (and to all of the corporate executives in charge of multi-million dollar projects reading my blog—thanks for taking time out of your schedule to be here), you should delegate your listening tasks to people whose powers of discernment you trust and who have the capacity to listen to all voices.
2. Call back. In the 80s, there were rules of engagement. Answer the phone in two rings (that was long before caller ID gave us the power of rejection—another scary thought that makes me want to say again—get over yourself!). Write thank you notes following lunch or breakfast dates or anytime someone makes face time available to you. Return calls within 24 hours regardless. Follow through on your commitments. If you don’t know, say so, and then find out. Do you remember those guidelines. Are they “old fashioned,” or are we too busy to be thoughtful.
3. Forget yourself. Really, the world is a big and complex place and none of it is about serving your needs! It’s about being a servant leader with a sense of sincerity and regard for others needs first. If you’re in a charity golf tournament, guess who you’re there for…the charity! If you accept every invitation with a sense of either a) sacrifice of time you need for yourself, or b) an opportunity to go work another room and add 50 new connections to your social network, then you need to seek help. Those who find themselves in situation a) need to understand that they can’t continue to lead without managing their time in ways that fill them back up personally. And those who meet the qualities in b)—and let’s face it, they’re never going to recognize themselves—need to reflect back to my earlier advice and get over themselves.

Those are social opportunities to put others first, the opportunities within your home and workplace are limitless. You demonstrate your concern for others in the way you listen, the way you walk into a room and the way you leave it. I would wager that the impressions you make in those moments have a far greater impact than the impression you make when you’re saying something brilliant in a strategy meeting. If you want more advice in this area, you might not be surprised to know that I’m glad to provide it—just ask!

That’s it. Just my top three list today. If we could just master those, I believe the world would change dramatically. And if we don’t, then I am worried. We are becoming a most self-centered society. Where is the commitment to good relationships built of honor and trust? Where are the leaders willing to put others’ needs first and to add value to the lives of those around them?

Oh wait…I know where—it’s you! If you’re reading this blog, you care enough to consider how to improve the world. Now maybe you need to start conversations like this in your workplace, your places of worship and your communities. Lead by example, you never know where you’re planting the seeds from which I know goodness grows!

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