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Swing Chair Saturday–Live Less Critically
Why do we call it "defending our opinion?"
Is someone going to take it away from us? Is the mere challenge to our established convictions enough to make us take up strategic positions as we batten down the hatches of our mind?
I've been thinking a great deal about civility lately. It is, after all, one of my key topics, and a fundamental component of communication structures that allow people to engage and flourish. I'm also working on a keynote to share with some college students in August on the topic.
I want to challenge those college freshman to think differently about the discourse in which opinions are shared. I believe our nation, and particularly its political system, is no longer about nurturing an exchange of ideas but is instead about the freedom to mindlessly insult and argue.
Now here's the thing. I really like to argue and I'm pretty good at it. Sometimes, I like to argue in a healthy "here's my point, there's your point...ah ha...so here's a bigger, better point" kind of way. Other times, it's just a "HERE'S MY POINT!" exchange, which isn't at all healthy or productive or conducive to supporting my prowess as the purveyor of positive relationship building.
So before I challenge those college students to a thing, I'm taking on a challenge of my own. Starting today, July 9, 2011, I'm going to attempt to live less critically. Catherine Marshall tried this experiment once and she found that not only did she have greater personal peace, but the world got along quite well without her critical retorts. I'm up for a little more peace, how about you?
Ways I'll Live Less Critically
1. I simply won't add a critical voice to a dialog. Even if I feel strongly about the political figure (Sarah and Michele, I hope you can celebrate this breather from my ire), subject or topic being discussed, I'll ask myself "will any good come from my contribution?" before I speak.
Now, if I know a fact that is missing from the dialog...maybe that's worth sharing. But I'll avoid adding to the diatribe of negativity either by jumping down someone's throat with my own opinion, or doing the like-minded two-step that endangers the ability of any of us to really test our ideas.
2. I'll listen more. I'll work to understand. I write and talk about this a lot. I'll practice it more. Because, as my daughter Mary Charlotte says, "If you aren't practicin' it, you shouldn't be preachin' it!"
3. I'll avoid generalizations. Republicans don't read as much. Democrats aren't fiscally responsible. People who watch cage fighting are sick. Those kinds of generalizations. They do nothing but reveal a limited power to really think and consider life one situation at a time--which is critical to good leadership and great relationships.
I think those three will be a good start. I'm starting...now! Are you in?
Note: Swing chair time is my favorite time to contemplate life's issues...little and big. On Saturdays...when I remember it's Saturday and when I remember to blog...I'll share some of my swing chair thoughts with you. The swing chair pictured above is where I do this great thinking. There are two of them. Feel free to come join me anytime!
Mimi,
Hi, I am Amber-Lee. I wanted to say hi and boy am I glad that you are a friend of margieclayman !! (Although, Margie, opinionated? Her? LOL!!) This is a wonderful post and I'm in! I think it is wonderful.
I actually have been changing, trying to BE the best type of person I can be... there is so much good here, online, and it has helped me focus so completely, it has touched every part of me.
I live in a very special, (spiritual if you understand what I mean), place. Somewhere, through time and familiarity, I had forgotten that. Being a Baby-Blogger and learning all I need to learn to get to this point, starting from nothing 7 months ago, well, it has been an amazing journey.
#3 Generalizations. That's one I have to focus on. "All encompassing statements" is my Dad's phrase and personal pet-peeve.(I struggle with this one) However, I had never heard it put this way.."They do nothing but reveal a limited power to really think and consider life one situation at a time..."
~Thank you. Amber-Lee
girlygrizzlymargieclayman Amber-Lee what a delight to have you visit the Bloomin' Blog. I am grateful to margie for the introduction. I do indeed understand being in a spiritual place. I try to keep the essence of that space in tact within me wherever I go, and sometimes I'm more effective at it than others. I do know that living critically definitely limits my ability to embrace the better quality of my spiritual nature.
You're so right about this: muffling (or silencing) that little nagging critic voice can really help in some situations. I've been doing it recently, mainly because I'm living with my grandparents for the summer and we may or may not disagree on a lot of political topics. When my grandparents and their friends go off on rants about the government/politicians/the fate of the world I tend to just smile and nod. It's tempting to want to speak up and argue, or criticize their point of view, but it's really not worth it. I recognize the generation gap and why we see things differently, and who wants to start a fight? :)
annedreshfield Anne...now just imagine if our leaders could embrace that thought! I hope you're enjoying time with your grandparents. Don't know if you saw Friday's post, but my Dad is with us right now, too. My delight is that it is really fun to talk politics and current events with him. I sometimes have more difficulty holding my tongue (isn't that a funny expression!?) when I'm with my peers. Yikes...I started to say something more, then realized it really a criticism dressed up as a bit more of my opinion. This is soooo challenging! Enjoy the time with your grandparents and thanks for your great contributions here.
MimiMeredith I did read it! It's a blessing to be able to spend this time with my grandparents and enjoy their company. You're right, it's too easy to dress up a criticism as an opinion. It's better to be sensitive and thoughtful in the long run.
annedreshfield I love the word thoughtful. Just stopping to think. To give something a second, third or tenth thought. That is another good habit to develop!
I'm up for a little more peace and am happy to join you in this experiment. When that little critical voice rears its ugly head, there's really nothing positive or constructive about it. Thank you for this reminder and thank you for this wonderful post!
What I've found in the past few days is that the "little critic" is really a pretty big part of my stream of consciousness. I call it "improving" but since I never put my thoughts into action, and since they are often not all that constructive, I'm really spending a lot of my time in energy-draining thought patterns. It's a greater challenge to change than I thought it would be and I'm just on day three!
I'm delighted you dropped by the Bloomin' Blog! I know from your comments on Lori's blog that you live in France. I am grateful to you, John and my Canadian friends for making this an "international community!" Maybe we'll start with reducing criticism, increasing civility and eventually...we'll create world peace!
I'm all in; I have been trying to do this at work. Because of the economy we have had some challenges just like everyone else. Because of this there has been a little bit of tension, finger pointing and complaining. My retort is, we are all on the same team and we are smart people, let's find a way to figure this out and move forward; no more generalizations or talking about things that have happened in the past.
When I tell people my 'philosophy' they seem to concur and I think it is changing some thinking.
Good luck w/ this and your speach. Hope you had some great time off.
bdorman264 Bill Dorman, if you were here...or I there...I would hug you! I have been a bit discouraged re: the lack of traffic on the Bloomin' Blog these days. I lost my "core tribe" when I moved to the new host and I am trying not to take it too personally that comments have dropped off and the community I love seems to have faded. Then along comes you with your thoughtful, and as always--encouraging, comment. I'm grateful for you in my little social media world, and I'm very grateful you're a part of the business world, where that practical and positive outlook impacts others every day. Who knows where your circle of influence ends, or where it means the most!
I'm doing fairly well with the challenge so far. I'm surprised at how often I think a critical thought without realizing it. Tonight at dinner, I was saying something mildly "corrective" about our waitier and my daughter suggested that maybe she should get a Taser to help me get over the urge to criticize! That might just be the ticket!!
[...] Meredith suggested I check out a post she wrote about refraining from criticism for a whole month. Being an obliging soul, I did, and I must say, her post really has me thinking. I have been [...]