On cowards, cowardice and comfort–the human condition

My “no news is good news” policy for the month has been working nicely for me, except that my Dad, who is rather accustomed to watching the evening news and regular doses of CNN throughout the day, is spending the winter months with us. So, the media still makes its way into our home.

Thus, I happened to hear the initial reports about Attorney General Eric Holder’s statement this week and then saw bits and pieces of the ensuing coverage and commentary. Holder was speaking on racial relations and how, as a nation, we consider ourselves a melting pot. However, he said, “…we—I believe continue to be in too many ways essentially a nation of cowards.” As I heard the remarks, the PR maven who still resides as queen of corporate communication in my mind thought, “poor word choice, dude“ and then the media-weary Mimi thought, “well this will cause major slippage under wheels that were just finding traction.”

Yet, the comment has stuck with me for a few reasons I feel compelled to share.

First, I do think it was a poor word choice. Leaders have to weigh their words carefully. Lincoln tried out his House Divided speech on several close friends, who all told him not to use it—that it was too strong. He followed his own convictions and made the speech. Citizens were alarmed; some angered; many forced from complacency and Lincoln ultimately won the election to the presidency. Perhaps Holder’s thought was that his remarks would have a similar motivating effect.

But right now, we are a weary nation suffering from very poor self-esteem—even if it is an accurate reflection of the mess into which we’ve gotten ourselves. We are buffeted with bad news on every front, political commentaries and partisan politics, which fail to meet the “hope” we had that a new leadership era was upon us. Being told we’re a nation of cowards as we struggle to find something good on which we can build didn’t demonstrate good psychology or thoughtful judgment. We all know that when someone is struggling to hang on, hearing “Dude, you are totally screwed up,” isn’t going to serve as much of a lifeline.

Second, Holder’s assessment may be true, but not in the big ways to which we point to defend our record. We are willing to admit our national imperfections and historical missteps. And we spend big, big bucks to roll out programs for problems. Rather, I’d offer that we display cowardice in many small, yet more significant ways. We lack courage not to do the big things that demand bravery or heroics, but the little things that demand that we forsake our own comfort for others. I don’t mean setting aside our comfort long enough to stop and lend a hand—I actually think we’re pretty good at that. I mean setting aside the comfort created in our box where our world view is the view and our understanding is understood.

Leaving the confines of our comfortable existence to be uncomfortable on behalf of another—to risk loss of social standing by standing up for someone who is standing alone…whether it’s an awkward outsider at your country club events (see friends, discrimination happens in all circles, all the time) or standing up for the immigrant and the impoverished who our system fails time and again—that demands true courage.

I don’t believe the cowardice that holds us back is limited to race. I think that’s a very narrow view. I think cowardice is at the root of every decision in which we let the expedient fulfillment of our own goals trump what is best for the common good, whether that’s the common good in our marriage, our corporations or our communities. When we’re too comfortable with our own thought patterns/social life/intellectual superiority/party affiliation/job security/personal insecurities…to try to do things and understand things in a new way.

I know that if we offer too much help, we risk enabling. If we walk with our brothers and sisters through all their problems, we create co-dependent states. If we try to understand everyone’s views, what do we stand for and you know what they say, “if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” (That, for the record, is my least favorite quote of all time…but that’s another blog entirely!)

Maybe in conclusion, the word choice itself wasn’t bad. Perhaps it was the narrowness of the scope in which it was applied. If we’re going to hold ourselves accountable for being better, it should be an improved state that lifts up everyone regardless of position, personality or complexion. I don’t think we’ve evolved to quite that point. But I do think this about our nation…

I think the fact that we have the freedom to have these discussions is still incredible—regardless of the world wide web or any other conveyance of opinion, our country fosters a spirit that welcomes a counter point for every point. The fact that the media—in spite of my opinion of its effectiveness—has the right to exist and to convey so many differing perspectives on any topic is amazing. The fact that, in spite of the fallacy of public health care; our incomprehensible budget deficit  (because truly, I can’t wrap my mind around it), unemployment rates at the highest of our generation and corporate leadership fraught with turmoil and an absence of ethics—in spite of all of that, there are people all over this earth to whom our country still brings hope. There are people who will line up all around the globe today hoping and praying with all their hearts that they can get a Visa or a Green Card so they can come to the United States of America—the land of the free. The home of the brave.

We are at a point in time, a place on the planet and a place in our national consciousness that are ripe with the potential for greatness. So go forth and do great, brave and courageous, little tiny, seemingly-insignificant, things today. Go make yourself uncomfortable on another’s behalf. Do it for a stranger. Do it for the people with whom you disagree. And do it for the people you are sure you know and even…especially…for those you love. Be good. Do good. Be brave.

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