Palms, puppies and patience

My desk is four feet away from the back door and I usually work with the door wide open—a lovely benefit of Arizona winter and spring. This morning, Sage the wonder puppy came leaping through the door brandishing a large branch she had bitten off the pygmy palm. She has a bronc-like leap when she plays. Her little back hunches up and all four paws come off the ground simultaneously as she bounces and twists in joy. This morning, with a firm grip on her palm branch, the dialog I assigned to her leaps in the doorway were simple shouts of  “Hosanna! Hosanna!” Who knows what would have come to me had the incident been further removed from holy week.
it’s hard to give the guidance required to train a puppy, shape a better employee or build a better team, when deep inside, you really want to play along. But the fact is, consistency in leadership is one of the most critical qualities to success. Consistency, clarity, patience and purpose.

When you are the leader, you have a view of how things will unfold. You have strategies and tactics, plans and visions. And you may begin to feel very discouraged when things never quite meet your expectations and plans fail to unfold as you know they can.

Too often, we blame the team. Or we blame ourselves. But the fact is, there is less fault to be ladled out than we’d like to think.

Every person in a relationship, whether it’s on a team or in a family, functions according to his or her nature. Sage’s nature is to examine…mostly with her mouth, to retrieve little presents for me—even when they’re from the plants I grow with care; and to soothe her aching puppy teeth on anything that holds still. Humans are no different. But the catch is, humans are each very different.

You see a plan through your perspective. Perhaps you’re visionary. You can see your plan and strategy take shape in your mind’s eye and you know exactly how it will feel upon completion. You’re a good leader, so you make assignments, draw up time lines, clarify goals and objectives and you share your vision with your team. But they look back at you with faces a little like the image on the left. Why?

Even if they’re smiling and energetic, they likely feel less on fire for your goal than you do. Of course, reading this, you’re saying “duh, because it’s “your” goal!” But that wisdom isn’t so readily available when we’re high on our own passion.

How do we make a vision a group vision so that the experience can become a more efficient and enjoyable one for all involved? Let’s start with four basic principles of good leadership—and remember, this works for people, puppies and families.

1. Be consistent. Everyone needs to know what to expect in order to feel secure and bring their peak performance to the task. If you frequently deviate from your style of management to employ the latest trend available, you’ll not only confuse people, but you also will violate their trust. Know who you are. Be who you are. And be good at it.
2. Be clear. Most plans fail because they lack clarity. You must make sure that your team not only hears what you’re saying, but that you have made your objectives understood. Understanding leads to ownership, which leads to synergy, which leads to amazing results. To be sure you are understood, ask questions. (And please don’t act like the questions are a test. You don’t want defensive team members.) For instance, you might say, “John, which part of this plan do you feel is the most important?” or “Jane, how do you think your staff will interpret these assignments?” or “Jimmy, why do you think we ask you to be home by midnight?” Just because you said it, doesn’t mean they understood it. Listen to see if they “got” what you said, not just if they heard it.
3. Be patient. When you become agitated, puppies will run the opposite direction. When you are calm, they will stick by you because you’re safe. No decision made from a state of irritation, disappointment or anger will ever result in good things. And when your consistent behavior is to act personally insulted, hurt or indignant when they miss the mark, you are not establishing the relationship that motivates your team to leap into action to remedy a situation. You just leave them hesitant and confused.
4. Find purpose. Not yours. Theirs! Each member of your team has individual gifts and a unique perspective. If you’re constantly expecting them to understand you, but you never take time to understand them, what kind of relationship are you building? And if you have “standards” and they’re just not met, maybe you have applied your personal standards to someone suited to be something entirely different. And maybe that entirely different purpose is exactly what you’re organization or your family needs the most and you’re too busy pursuing your purpose to honor it!

All this takes time. But building anything that lasts takes time. Before you know it, this fiscal year has passed; the new planning cycle has begun and your team may have turned over many times. So it’s important to bring your best to each moment. The big picture, after all, is made from many little snapshots.

And what to say of puppies, children, spouses and friendships? Well, they deserve your best, too. They deserve to be understood from where there hearts reside, not from where your mind places them; they deserve to be consistently given you best, calm attention day in and day out. They deserve your patience, because every one has days, or even months, when they just want to chew on something new. So go grow good leadership skills. Consistently plant seeds of trust, clarity, patience and understanding. And goodness will grow!

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