Practice Peace–Step Two Continued: Sufficiency

If I told my mother I was bored (which I learned not to do) she would respond, “Learn to enjoy your own company.” As I wrote in the first installment of step two, that is one of the benefits of sufficiency—being your own BFF (Best Friend Forever!). But for some of you, the idea of really liking yourself might seem, at best, remote. There are a lot of obstacles that inhibit a healthy sense of self esteem. Luckily for us, we can reshape our habits—challenging as it may seem—and rewrite the relationship we have with ourselves. You can’t have a true sense of sufficiency without a positive sense of connection to “your own company.”

Most of the keys I share regarding the development of self esteem happen to correspond to positive parenting techniques. I thought everyone made this connection (you know…the whole “love your inner child” woo woo, but true true, psychology). But it’s funny how many good parents I know who treat themselves horribly. So let’s just go over three simple concepts that might help you get started…or at least prompt you to seek the help you need to love yourself.

1.     Give yourself credit. Also known as positive reinforcement. Many of us have inner critics who never rest. We hear little voices telling us what we wouldashouldacoulda done better all the time. But how often do you hear a positive voice reminding you of every little thing you do well? “Perfectly brewed coffee, Julie!” “Perfect music choice, Kathy!” “Excellent point, Greg!” “You rock at parenting, Scott!” “Robin, you handled that really well!” And really…those are all pretty big things. Your inner cheerleader wants to remind you of the simplest things. Because you never know what tiny, seemingly insignificant thing you do that might be just the thing another needs most. In those little extensions of ourselves, we go from practicing inner peace to creating a more peaceful world.

There is a still small voice inside of you wanting to remind you of all the beauty planted in your soul. You must find a moment to listen. Then you must believe it with all your heart. You want the children in your life to be fully aware of all their skills and every good thing they can do. The same is true of you! You need to own all the goodness flourishing in you and through you. And this isn’t so you can feed your ego, it’s so you can nurture the world. If you don’t know how to love yourself, you’re not going to be as effective at loving others.

2.     Assess your perspective. I realize that the world probably would categorize me as a cup half full person. However, all you have to do is follow the blog for awhile to know I am not always on the Sunny Side! How do you take a reading of your perspective to know if it’s in balance? Try listening to yourself. Not your inner voice—your actual voice. How do you describe circumstances?

If you find yourself constantly commiserating over life’s difficulties or talking about all that is broken in your world, that is the cloud you create through which you see reality. On the other hand, if you hear yourself  constantly chirping “no problem!” “Great!” “Couldn’t be better!” just to mask the turmoil bubbling underneath the surface, you need to balance your ballast and find a way to get true bearings before you sail your ship into storms you could have avoided with an honest assessment of your situation.

Loving yourself begins with taking control of the way you choose to look at life—not with a sense of unrealistic expectation, but by choosing to find what can be done, what hope exists and what goodness can be grown. Because goodness eventually will grow. Read a little Elie Wiesel if you need help with that truth.

3.     Finally…let go of comparisons. Unless you are choosing to compare yourself to yourself to celebrate how far you’ve come, comparisons are self-sabotaging and dangerous. You aren’t meant to be compared to another. You are uniquely designed to be you. To be the perfect vessel God created to deliver what is needed most in the moment in which you find yourself. Making little of yourself or indulging in envy reduces your capacity to be your best self.

You are enough. You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are meant to be a seed-planting, goodness-growing practitioner of peace so that the world might know more about peace through you.

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