Resilience resources

Resilience and Stamina are not to be confused. In my presentations, I compare our spirits to those life-size inflatable punching clowns. They take all kinds of abuse in the corners of playrooms everywhere, and they just keep bouncing back up. That is, until they begin to lose air. Then they wither a most dramatic death and find themselves in the corner of the trash bin. Their resilient bounce-backedness is only possible if they contain air.

We, too, require inner resources to maintain our sense of resiliency. Whether we call it stamina or endurance, it is a limited commodity. We must take time to restock and renew. Hopefully, before we’re reduced to a withered heap in the corner.

Signs that we’re close to empty tanks of stamina include higher levels of anxiety, bitterness, loss of focus and general fatigue. I have some personal warning signs that begin with my jaw locking and end with me unable to turn my head to the right or left. It used to make my assistant laugh hilariously to see me in this condition. Luckily, a little wisdom along life’s way has trained me in self-intervention.

You are like a warehouse, you can’t ship out what you don’t have in stock.

That quote was offered at the first corporate life skills seminar I ever attended. I don’t remember the year, but I’m sure I was wearing huge shoulder pads, so it is a quote I’ve been sharing for a decade or two!

When we allow the supplies in our inner warehouse to become depleted and are down to the anxious, bitter and exhausted remnants of self, that is what we ship out. Lovely, isn’t it? I can usually hear it in my voice as it gets tighter and my speech takes on the quality of a nervous chipmunk. And who is responsible for this condition? Ah yes, ’tis I! The world may see the result, but we are the ones who watched the warning light move from yellow to red on the warehouse door and did nothing to remedy the situation.

What do you do to restock your shelves? I learned long ago that no one is going to waltz into my life and say, “Gee Mimi, you have been under a lot of pressure lately. Why don’t you leave early today to sit in a quiet garden or stop off for a massage!” (Although, my husband did go work in the library today so I would have the quiet house to myself this morning—thanks, Greg!) And even if someone made such an offer, the reality is that while both an escape to a garden or a massage would be just the ticket, they’re not easily accessible.

One of my favorite parts of my workshops is when participants begin to share ways they fill their own buckets. One participant said she loved to sneak home during the day. She’d sit in the silence of her house and have a bowl of cold cereal for lunch. As a busy working mom, it was a huge treat for her to have a 40-minute space where she met no outside demands. She wouldn’t even allow herself to turn on a light or start a load of laundry.

I have lots of little stamina-building rituals. I will share three (not necessarily in order of preference) and then I hope you all comment back with some of yours!

1.) I sit outside almost every day. Even when it’s 110 degrees. I need this connection to the “outside” world. I like it best when I can get in a daily walk, but if that’s not possible, just sitting still outside allows me to open myself back up. Sometimes, I will make the opening up a physical gesture by stretching my arms out wide and lifting my face to the sky with my eyes closed. I focus first on letting go and then I ask God to fill me up (which can certainly happen without this physical exercise…but try it and see what happens!).

2.) I carry good smelling hand lotion with me at all times. I can rub a bit in when I’m stopped at a red light or waiting at piano lessons. I learned from Eckart Tolle’s New Earth, to stop and actually feel my hands. Folding this practice into my mini hand treatments helps me become completely present, instead of planning the next stage of my headlong rush through my day. And if you want to skip the lotion part, just focus on your hands and thank God for the life pulse you recognize at the tip of every finger.

3.) I listen to something beautiful, or nothing at all. Right now, because we’re in a bit of a challenging time as Greg seeks a new job, I find comfort in a Jason Mraz song, Details in the Fabric. It’s under favorite links on my website. I also have a CD I made for myself called Happy Tunes. I timed it to be exactly the length of my morning commute when I was working. Right now, I’m listening to a variety of instrumental pieces I love; and often, I listen to nothing at all. But consciously choosing the soundtrack of my days gives me resources of beauty, fun and sometimes, even empowerment if I choose the right tracks, which I generally can. (My sisters and I would rule on a game show that requires spontaneous association between songs and situations. You kind of have to see it to believe it…it’s an awesome, but not-so-marketable skill.)

So…what are your tips? I know some of you out there wrestle with loads so much heavier than mine, I am in awe of your ability to be vertical! Sharing resources is at the heart of growing goodness, I think.

The perfect song for this photo? Train’s When I Look To the Sky

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1. Dealing with professional setbacks says:

   January 26, 2012 at 8:12 am

   [...] But what if we all just laid bare the way life really is for us? I shower you with my accounts of my abundant blessings. I am known to be perpetually perky. But, those who have witnessed the unraveling of the last three years of our lives would say I am simply resilient. [...]