Say What You Need to Say

What does more damage, the things we say or the things left unsaid?

Today, I’m going with things left unsaid. They can erode relationships, bring committee work to a grinding halt and sabotage even the best-built businesses.

Remember what we learned to ask ourselves before we say something: Is it good? Is it kind? Does it improve the silence?* Well, sometimes, I think we confuse kindness with preventing hurt feelings. We anticipate how a person may feel in response to a statement or situation; we conclude that they may be hurt and so we just don’t say it. If you’re angry or irritated, that policy is an excellent choice. But there are other situations—like when the Emperor isn’t really wearing any clothes—when the short term result of wounded pride and hurt feelings might be worth the long term benefit of avoiding serious public humiliation.

And it’s not just our versions of the truth (and please remember…it’s just your version of the truth. No single individual can see the entire truth) that needs to be said.
We need to seek clarity, “So, do you mean…?”
We need to be brave and build bridges, “Have I hurt you…?”
We need to risk exposure, “There’s an idea I’d like to share with you…”
And every day we need to say, “I love you,” even if we’re saying it out loud so the echoes come back to our own hearts and bless us with the power only love contains. But imagine if that power were shared with all those on the fringes of our lives…those coworkers and neighbors, the family and friends we just never think to tell I love you. Don’t leave those words unsaid.

Click Here for a little soundtrack to accompany these thoughts today.

*Thanks to Susan Mathers Valach for sharing that with us in the comments on What’s Good About Gossip?

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