To thine ownself be true

I know I just wrote about this topic in It’s Good to Be Me, but I seem to keep living the same life lessons over and over…so you are welcome to learn along with me! Most people who know me would think I have absolutely no problem being me. And yet…there are times when I find myself working to be what I think others might appreciate more rather than simply who I am (and trust me…who I am is really quite simple!).

I noticed this in a phone conversation recently. I was visiting with a slightly younger, dynamic person who is a little more edgy than me. (I use the word edgy here, because I mean hip/cool, but I’ve been told it is definitely no longer hip to say hip!) Before I knew it, I found myself really wanting her to feel good about me. I heard my comments, and even my voice, take on a different tone. This Mimi morphing also happens when I’m around people who intimidate me. Generally speaking, those are people who are very well educated and pedigreed, and who know exactly how to follow a financial report without looking over at the person next to them to be sure they’re on the right page.

When I feel that all I lack is about to be revealed, or that what I represent isn’t appreciated, I lose balance. I become more worried more about impressing or defending than doing the good work of listening and learning.

Can you be at ease with who you are and what you have in any situation. If you practice the simple basics of celebrating your own sufficiency, that should equip you to carry that contentment into new situations, true? But unfortunately, some bizarre rating scale pops into our heads that leaves us perilously close to failing to pass self imposed criteria for acceptance. We respond by reverting to our favorite defenses…ingratiating conversation, chattering like a chipmunk, cursing because it seems cool, silence because it seems safe, sideways conversations about everything brilliant we or our offspring have ever accomplished just to state our worth…those are a few I’ve witnessed and the first two are my personal brand of coping skills.

I am about to embark on something new and exciting, but a bit intimidating. I was worried about how to prepare to be what I need to be…to be certain I’m offering enough of what others might expect to hear…etc. etc. etc. But here’s the real deal. If I become so concerned about what I lack, I will miss the opportunities to offer all that I am.

I’m going to go shower and brush my teeth, because that’s an important step toward being my best self. Then I’m going to head off to a meeting I’ve worried about, thought about and prayed over all weekend. Well I think I know what to do now. I remembered. I heard. I think I get it…again. I’ve equipped myself with some simple new ways to get over myself. I’m not going to tell you what they are until I’ve tested them. So check back later, and I’ll let you know how being Mimi works today!

Onward and upward!

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