The Bloomin' Blog

On moving…up, over and on

I remember when I was taking my last walk around our beautiful 10 acre property in Kansas, before we moved to Arizona.

It was December 1999. I heard a cardinal call in the distance, and...in my not surprising, but-oh-so-dramatic way...I thought to myself, "Well, that's it then. The last bird song I'll hear. They don't have this in the desert."

And, sure enough, I haven't ever seen a cardinal in my back yard in the 12 years we have lived in Phoenix, Arizona. I have watched Road Runners skitter across my path; greeted the arrival of the quail parade each year; listened to owls hoot me to sleep and awakened with the mourning doves. I have never heard a cardinal here.

Each place in our lives, whether literally or figuratively, has its own song.

And now, I'm returning to a strain that is familiar, yet different.

Here's what has happened in the past three short weeks.

We have gone from thinking I could make a separation from my spouse; a career vault that suddenly had no pommel horse (see What's Up With Me Really to understand); owning two houses and all other issues associated with three years of incredibly crumby luck work out, to thinking there could be another answer as simple as clicking my heels together three times.

That's right. We're going back to Kansas.

Greg is there already, as you may have read in the post A Man's Gotta Do.... So here's what happened on the road to everything I least expected.

First, know that I didn't want to go back to Hutchinson, Kansas. I felt that when I left there 12 years ago, I was leaving behind situations that wanted to rob me of all the breath I had left. Too much drama, too many constraints borne of mindsets I thought weren't set in the same foundations as mine. Too many limitations. Too many people who couldn't understand what I am about inside...

Well, as it turns out, only God understands what I am inside. Greg Meredith runs a close second. (And, no darlin', I didn't just say you are a god.) And guess what, it turns out drama happens everywhere! You just have to decide what you want your role to be in the drama...Witch/Wizard; the Great Counselor; the uninvolved peasant bystander; the queen of all things...truly, you can choose.

So, in dramas, I hope I've learned that I live in the cottage up a path. If the drama needs a room for the night, l'll listen and let it rest, but in the morning, it needs to move on. Limitations, they happen. But honestly, most limitations begin and end right between our ears. And I think we all know how to deal with that. It's just so much simpler when there's someone else to blame.

But back to me and my ruby slippers.

In February, I was busy pushing my noodle uphill. I was going to make consulting work. I was going to network with all the right people to put my master plan of being the world's next best business consultant into action.

In March, Mary Charlotte and I planned a great circular drive for her spring break. We would see Greg in Hutchinson, swing up to Montana to say goodbye to my hometown and pick a few things up before my Dad's house sold in Miles City, and then, leisurely make our way back to Arizona. (If swinging by Montana en route from Kansas to Arizona doesn't make sense to you, then never, ever trust me with navigation on your road trips.) We would do this in a week because that would allow us time to enjoy about 30 hours of time together in Arizona before I had to take off on my next great automotive sales training adventure.

The night before MC and I left, Greg was at "Problem Solving Club" in Hutchinson, where he ran into a great old friend. Old Friend asked about moi. Husband explained that my plans were "fluid" and based on finding a job in Phoenix. OF said, "I think I may have a job for her, if she's interested."

Three days later, I was in the office of Tom (aka OF) and feeling like I was home. Strangest thing. I never meant to be there. I didn't think it was my "calling," yet everything said, "You have arrived."

Meanwhile, Mary Charlotte was at the high school thinking, "This could work." and "Nice!" because she is, after all, the most positive and irrepressible 16-year-old in the universe.

So...within about a day, we decided that a) we missed Greg, and our plans for me to generate the income to pay for frequent plane trips between Kansas and Arizona hadn't exactly solidified, and b) Hutchinson, Kansas is a very good place.

There are people there who remember us and love us, even after a decade of separation. The girl who gave Mary Charlotte a tour of the high school was one she played with every week in the church nursery. But, understandably, when one leaves a place as a four-year-old, those are very blurry mental images, and she didn't remember her as a long-lost nursery buddy.

We chose to take the plunge and start a new chapter in Hutchinson. We came back from our spring break road trip. We exhausted ourselves cleaning and, in Mary Charlotte's case, crying with friends as she shared the news of our new plans. By Monday, we had the house on the market.

By Wednesday, we had a full-price contract on the house and I had a job offer from the company of my OF. Even when I was 1,300 miles away from home (because I'm still traveling around the southeastern U.S. during the week and home on weekends) I began to feel the sense that this was meant to be. We are going home.

Those are bold words from a woman who claims her home will always be in Montana (there's a song that goes with that...but that's for another time) and who is rather...well...snobbish about it. But they're true.

Home. Just as Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros means it. Home to my husband. Home to the space where my family began. Home to loving, funny, wonderful people with so many different interests and opinions I can only hope I live to learn them all.

Home to winter wheat that spreads a great green blanket under skies full of spring snows. Home to corner cafes that share the only corner in town with a grain elevator. Home to Canada Geese and those funny black birds that fly in great flocks as if they move with one brain--up and down on the whim of one or all (feel free, my Audubon friends, to remind me what they're called). Home to livestock, farm houses, multimillion dollar mansions, the Bible belt, the Right, the Left, the Moderate...

So, maybe Hutchinson, Kansas, could be anywhere. Because, really...much of what I've come to appreciate about Hutchinson can be found in the hearts of the people I love in Phoenix, Arizona. In Arizona's desert sunrises and sunsets. It's geology, and landscape that changes every 30 miles. It all wrestles with a tug that says, "you haven't found me yet."

But, I think I understand now what I didn't understand 12 years ago. Maybe I didn't even understand this one year ago. Hutchinson is calling me home because priceless people, ways and wisdom are there. But it is calling me home because my husband is there. It is where our family will be whole.

And that, my friends, is where goodness grows.

Listen to this again...

"You've always had the power dear. You've had it all along." --Glenda, the Good WItch

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I’m Going Off Line

Remember the power of taking the phone off the hook?
Short of someone coming to the door (which happened back then), you had the power to isolate yourself. You could nap. You could let your babies nap. The rest of the outside world might just wonder who you were on the line with for so long, but they were still…outside.
Whether it’s because of all the communication technology at our disposal, or just our frantic need to stay informed, we have lost the art of disconnecting. We are lousy at drawing boundaries. And as a result, we are some frazzled folk.
Here’s the latest scoop…
Remember when I thought it wouldn’t be likely that I’d have any work as a facilitator over the next two months? Well…all that pathetic pity party was misplaced, because I picked up four weeks of substituting that will take me across the lower part of Florida (hello Bill Dorman… Click here for the rest of the post) and eventually to Atlanta (watch for me Laura DeMars!)
I just got back from the first week of travel. It was fun. I love meeting

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Are You Trainable?

Well of course you are!
But do you welcome the opportunities as they arise?
Having our minds stretched makes a bit room for more information, but that doesn’t often happen for many of us because stretching hurts. Here are some simple steps to make the most of each learning opportunity.

Remember that Significant Learning Opportunities… Click here for the rest of the post, as Jim Fay calls them, are often wrapped up in times we’d rather avoid…accidents, failures, broken relationships…but if we allow those times to be something we simply survive, we never harvest the lesson and allow ourselves to grow from them.
Look for some of the most significant opportunities to come from people who irritate you. The thing that irritates you in them is likely a strong trait you carry as well (we’ll get into all the egoesque theory in that another day…feel free to use egoesque…I kind of like it). Turn off your filter and listen to understand.
In a horrible moment, don’t say something chirpy like, “Boy, oh boy are we going to look back and laugh at what we learned today!” People

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What’s Up With Me, Really.

That’s me.
I intentionally chose this photo because it’s not typical of the images I generally include when I talk about my life. But the few times I’ve gone skeet shooting, I’ve been good at it. And I need to summon the spirit that makes me lean into a shot gun, fiercely determined to blow something to bits.
A little honesty goes a long way. Most of us avoid anything that comes close to true self revelation in the world of social media. Blogs are generally used to convey evidence that we are subject matter experts, or the kind of all around good folk others might want to hire.
But what if we all just laid bare the way life really is for us? I shower you with my accounts of my abundant blessings. I am known to be perpetually perky. But, those who have witnessed the unraveling of the last three years of our lives would say I am simply resilient… Click here for the rest of the post.
Here’s the real scoop.

July 2008–working as a professional speaker. Love the flexibility it allows us

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Course Correcting Conversations

It’s Family Friday. Today, I’m thinking about an important communication skill for creating positive culture at work and at home. In both places, it’s not our ability to outline a vision or articulate expected behaviors that counts as much of our skill in keeping everyone motivated and on track to fulfill that mission.
How do you have those difficult conversations? How do you guide without micromanagement? How do you get rid of the bathwater and keep the baby safe? (Sorry, but that metaphor always generates images of wet, airborne infants that are somewhat disturbing!) I’ve talked before about the dangers of over correction… Click here for the rest of the post, but what happens when corrective measures have to be taken?
Here are some simple strategies. See what you think.
First, identify and consistently communicate the criteria for behavior. It pains me to overhear parents walking into a big event with a child saying, “remember what we talked about…” or a supervisor to an employee saying, “I know you won’t let me down on this, Jane,” as he or she receives a huge assignment.
People will respond

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What Makes a Star Performer?

… Click here for the rest of the post
For at least 12 years, the same man has served as the crosswalk guard at an intersection between our middle school and high school. I am sure there must have been days he was sick, or had a replacement, but I don’t recall ever seeing anyone else at that corner.
He’s always seemed “older”, yet he hasn’t visibly aged in the12 years I’ve been passing his corner. He rarely smiles. He doesn’t wave at all the passing cars. He’ll occasionally wave back, but not often.
In the early years of taking my boys and their friends to school, it used to be my personal challenge to make him smile back at me. But usually, he remained focused on the traffic and the students…you know…doing his job. I don’t know that keeping middle school students safe and orderly requires a cheerful countenance.
It’s interesting how we rate work.
I have personally championed movements to “hire friendly people” and I’m really great at teaching people the benefits of positive engagement. But tell me, would this stoic-looking man who has taken his post

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What You See is What You Get!

… Click here for the rest of the post

My top ten thoughts moving into the new year…

If what you see is bleak and discouraging, fix it. It will take work and patience…a lot of it. Sometimes your efforts don’t pay off in the ways you expect or as quickly as you’d like. This used to be less of a surprise to people, but then we became a society conditioned for immediate gratification and ease of operation. So make this a year for less whining and more working.
If you want to see more kindness, more love, more patience…then practice it. I can’t tell you how much time I’ve wasted wishing a situation would improve without first working to improve myself. See number one.
If you don’t like what you see everyday and option number one isn’t working, see it differently. Maybe you’ve conditioned yourself to focus on the negative in a situation or a soul. Changing your perspective may even mean you see another person’s view. (Yikes…that sounds so uncomfortable and awkward. And what if it means I wasn’t completely right?) So go find a new view.

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Just put one foot on the ground…

… Click here for the rest of the post
When I was a teenager, I had a really hard time getting up in the morning. It was especially challenging in the wintertime, when the Southeastern Montana cold crept in across my floor.
My mother would come to my door (likely for the third or fourth time) and say,
“Darlin’ girl, just put one foot on the ground.”
Her assumption was that the rest of me would follow the progress of my right foot.
And she was right. I just had to remember how to get started.
So whatever you’re doing today–risk just stepping out.
Whether you lead with your left or right is up to you, but once you find that there is solid ground beneath that foot, momentum will build.
Some days, our boldest move may seem to be getting out of bed. Other times, maybe we’ll be bold enough to pursue a new career, a new relationship or just to rock our convictions with a bold new act of forgiveness.
Here’s to sticking your foot out. Your neck will follow. Goodness will grow.

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